Thursday, December 27, 2007

Great Satan's Hootchie of the Year 2007



It's time! In 2007 there were many entrants in the Great Satan's Hootchie of the Year award. Space doesn't permit listing them all so here are the top six.

#6. Miley Cyrus made it through a combination of good luck, good genes and real talent to become the super hot super cool true blue girl next door. Strong on hard work, study and family values Miley credits her success to the Lord. No wild parties, police chases, predator hot guys in her shadow, babies on the way or wickibit pics. Her talent and brainpower, rooted to reality mentality are shared with the Great Satan's nobility, youthful vitality, and eternally optimistic outlook. Sweet, clever and super classy Miley Cyrus is a super role model for younger girls.

#5 - Hillary Rodham Clinton - Heck hath no fury like a hootchie scorned - and this is one scorned hootchie. Electoral "negatives" hovering around the 50% range, the Senator from the Empire State is slugging her way through to the highest honors her Democratic party can bestow. Senator Clinton relies heavily on her ex President spouse for true executive expertise, substance, cash and votes. HRH is the first girl candidate for president for a major political party. The only elected hootchie on the list for 2007, Senator Clinton hangs with disbarred legal eagle security risk (clearance revoked for stealing critical documents from the Nat'l Archives) Sandy Berger for some of her Foreign Policy formulas.

#4 - Paris Hilton - Despite nigh unsurmountable obstacles like anti party Police, unsympathetic DA's and papparazzi who focus their pics on the wrong things, Paris singlehandedly put the "ooo" in hootchie. Owner of 4 different companies that gross $28 million in profits in 2007, Paris the Heiress uses the Ronald Reagan method of surrounding herself with experts. Saavy biz people, greedy playboys, and doped up starlets. Paris' recent junket to Red China showcasing unbridled capitalism and the just desserts and instant gratification that shopping spree's can bestow are excellent reminders that in the Great Satan good looks and cash can be as awesome as brain power and hard work. Greed is eternal and Paris has it all. And she flaunted it all right in the face of the worlds largest, oldest, played Collectivist style Communistic unfree nation, where unrestricted internet access is a crime against the state and all computer printers are registered with the State. Totally retarded. A State with state controlled media control hosting Paris? A mega host server crasher like the fun, free Paris Hilton with 20 million hits overwhelmed filters and access. Paris is irresistable - just like the Great Satan.

#3 - Condoleeza Rice - America's Sec of State is so smart - she's beautiful. Advising Presidents, policy makers - elected and appointed. Dr Rice, one of the world's most powerful women recently announced the 'Non negotiable demands of human dignity "...the rule of law, limits on state power, free speech, religious liberty, equal justice, property rights, tolerance of difference and respect for women..." Sweet words indeed - and heck - it is America. Constantly disproving cries of "Bakerization", she constantly faces down presidents for life and corrupt royalty in ray bans. Dr Rice remains the best role model for the Great Satan's daughters in the last decade.

#2 Gwen Stefani - the Orange County girl with legs right up to her neck has taken talent, hard work and a dream and made it to the top. One of the Great Satan's treasures, Gwen was determined not to sit about in tolerant societies making cash and fans. Gwen took her "Sweet Escape" tour with the Harijuku Girls right into the only semi Mohammedist nation that was brave enough to have her. Malaysia - withering under the weight of constant assaults from hotties, hootchies and ho's got more than they bargained for when Gwen totally dissed fatwas, death threats and militant Mohammedist 'student' groups. Blitzing over 60K concert goers out of their minds with sexyful drenched beats, moves and music. Gwen flipped off intolerant girl fearing preachers and made off their bling, cash and lust.

And the Great Satan's Hootchie of the Year is:

1st Lady Laura Bush - Ex School Teacher, mom of two girls (who made it to 18yo with out babies - this speaks volumes in itself) Brazenly, without modesty landing on the sacred soil of Hijaz's original he man women hating kingdom of Saudi Arabia in October. Joyfully unh'jab'd in broad daylight - no less - the 1st Lady, raised awareness of Breast Cancer pre emption - a most unmohammedist concept - and shared stories and hope with the handful of Saudi lady doctors on precious prime time state controlled unfree media. An especially built and funded screening facility (that is rumoured to appear 'breast like' when viewed from a certain altitude) right in a retarded kingdom where girls driving a car could collapse a backward society chock full of oil, unemployed young people and a not so impressive literacy rate. Always in service to something larger than self - 1st Lady Laura Bush is the Great Satan's Hootchie of the Year 2007.

10 comments:

Verlin Martin said...

Ayaan Hirsi Ali is missing from your list :)

Karen said...

Good list, Courtney. I completely approve of Laura Bush's rank as number 1.

Debbie said...

Nice group of hootchies you've got there. I haven't been happy with Condi all the time, but if your logic holds, she has a plan.

Debbie Hamilton
Right Truth

a.k.a. Blandly Urbane said...

Appropriate selections for this high honor...I do agree with Debbie and hoping Rice does have a plan.

It concerns me that most of those that take the position that Foggy Bottom offers end of getting "Stepforded."

Look at the Powell, although that was as much of a stretch for him.

Jenn of the Jungle said...

Uh....I don't see me on there.

heidianne jackson said...

great list and excellent posts all - however i think miss cyris should be above mrs. clinton - laura bush is a great choice for the hootchie of the year award. someone should tell her so she can be appropriately humbled.

Sunny said...

I think HRH should play the Hootchie card...that alone should bring in the South Carolina vote.

GrEaT sAtAn'S gIrLfRiEnD said...

Hi Verlin - True, Ayaan is awesome - but so is Avril Lavigne, Tzipi Livni and Benazir Bhutto. The Great Satan's Hootchie of the Year is only for daughters of the Great Satan. Ayaan could make it soon - since she has her green card and could become naturalized.

Hi Karen - Thank you - politics aside - Hitting up the HiJaz about breast cancer screening must have driven the mohammedist male superiority complex batty. SWEET!

Hi Debbie - Hope you're right about me being right! - Dr Rice was awesome when she unveiled the humanity points. No one paid any attention to it though - everyone was focused on some chick with fake blood on her hands screaming "War Criminal."

Blandly - you may be correct. In his book, John Bolton talks about 'careerists in the state department' who really seem to love unfree regimes that torment their own people and their neighbors. Many do all they can for them. Wierdly unAmerican to me.

Hi Jenn - oh you are up there all right! You beat Lynne Cheney, Debbie, Karen and I were right after Lindsay Lohan and I think Heidianne and Sunny beat out Kelly Clarkson. It was a big list ya'll - not enough trees in Colorado to cut down to make paper to write them all out. Just teasing!

Heidianne! Hey - I suspect Laura may know about it. A few years back she told the press that one of her girls bf's was a "nice boy". Well, take it from me - that is still the kiss of death for guys.

Hi Sunny! You're right - down in SC they are all about hootchies, fishin' and NASCAR. And all those ball caps. Ever notice that they cut off circulation to the brain? Check it out - clock a guy wearing one - after 4 hours they can't seem to keep their mouth closed and become nigh uncommunicable, easily manipulated and slow to respond to stimuli. HRH could use that to her advantage in the SC primary.

PoorGrrl said...

Nice listen, GSG, but two questions: why did you chose Gwen Stefani over Beyonce and why on earth is Hillary on the list?

I know you think Gwen struck at the heart of the Islamic beast with her concert in Malaysia, but Beyonce was supposed to perfrom there too and didn't out of protest against Malaysia's insistence that she cover up. Naturally, she lost the income from that concert. Gwen's concert happened only because she caved to the demands, per The O'Reilly Factor.

I think Beyonce should've been on your list, if not Hootchie of the Year, for putting principle over profit when faced with Islamic misogyny. And again, why on earth is Hillary on your list?

GrEaT sAtAn'S gIrLfRiEnD said...

Hi Poor Grrl! Thanks for asking. You are correct. Beyonce is HOT! and talented and has overcame many adversities to be top cat in a tough game. She certainly did stand by her convictions and did not compromise one bit with Malaysia or anywhere else. When Beyonce' is booked - she brings the whole show.

Gwen represents America Unbound - particularly in confronting absurdity and intolerance. She went to Malaysia despite the safety concerns and threats and shook her skin tight covered laffy taffy right in their face, hunching with her harajuku girls in a way no one could ignore. Gwen made a mockery out of the 10K 'students' who were so intolerant they couldn't stand it. Packing in 60K plus, she made new fans and put the "IN' in marginalize and proved that there is a lot more to the world than k'rans, martyrs and infidels. Gwen confronted mohammedists. And they were helpless before her. Just like intolerance is helpless before the irresistable Great Satan.

Hillary made the list because she represents unbridled ambition and femminism in every guy's nightmare - get your hooks in a guy and jam it for all it's worth. And in the Great Satan - there is no limit!