Tuesday, August 30, 2011

The Adventures Of Abu Muqawama

Hey y'all!

The southern bits of Great Satan has always produced uber savvy cats in nearly any endeavor. Dr Condi Rice, The Outkast, Army Major Michael Few - their exploits, achievements and accomplishments are the stuff of legend.

And one cat able to jump start little girls hearts with a single appearance at 50 metres, is the rogue cuz of the world famous counter insurgency COINlicious joint Small Wars Journal. Provocative as wearing a thong to church and nom d'guerr'd as the Expert Poppa of Resistance - it's the famous Abu Muqawama.

Not to be confused with the infamous evil Abu Moqawama, the good Abu has led an adventurous life that could make a made for TV mini series while creating an essential read with "This Man's Army."

When Captain Ex became exCaptain Ex and made the move into making his brain more bigger, it was easy for for funk obsessed critics to dismiss the new millennium's wunder killer kind  as  another of CNAS cadres Das Unaussprechlichen COIN Külten's expert killers of killers who were sweetly turning AFPAK into a safe word.

Sev cats on the intell T ism side of the scale secretly whispered Abu was either - taking terrible risks - hanging out with creepy Hiz'B'allah cats in Leb, naming his site with a transliteration of the same name as the collective of rocket happy jerks led by their gross, overtly robust Body Part Collector General and getting all paw paw (no fun of any kind) on Drones Gone Wild!

Or was Abu playing enemies with the goal of assuring their annihilation - often in slow and painful ways?

Now the lid has been blown off perhaps the most audacious combination of distraction, deception death and destruction since 007 hooked up with Pushy Galore.  

Where there's reek - there's blunt as the chronic kids say and it is an assassinary fact over 300 ppl have stopped breathing in amazing feats of cold blooded chicanery on a regional scale since Abu hit DC, Europa and the ME.

In a fun, fauxconspiratorial spirit - (not unlike 2nd guessing certain visitors that always seem to preclude the disappearance of certain underthings) yours truly was able to snatch a quick aperitif with one of Great Satan's exceptional  warrior cats Dr Captain Andrew Exum/Abu Muqawama (Rangers break stuff all the time, nicht wahr?) at a magical spot not far from where Americans shed American blood to ensure even more Americans would be free.


Sir, after being recruited as an assassin/spy is it true your code name is "Captain Tickles" because of the beard?
"No comment."
In Little Satan recently when you rec'v'd the "Dual Loyalty" Award - what was the amount of the cash prize?
"17 NIS, a firm handshake, and a cappuccino (to go) from Espresso Bar."
Iran's al Qods Brigadier Suleimani claims he presented proof to Hiz'B'Allah's High Command you were responsible for bombing Imad Muganiyah out of existence - yet was stymied by HbA's Interior Security. He now says they were co opted by you in several paint ball games. Did you also collect intell on HbA rocketry locations during these co options?

"Like Ricky Bobby on the racetrack, I play for keeps in paintball, Courtney. I am proud of my 4-3 lifetime record against the Boys."
Are you Captain Rocktober 2012 in CNAS' Men of COIN Calendar due in November?

"Oh, please, don’t give John Nagl any ideas."
Syrian Air Force Intelligence claims Abu Muqawama is in charge of inciting sectarian strife from Aegypt to Aleppo in an effort to divy and conquer a distracted Arab League. How of much of a role did you play in igniting that flaming hot Arab Spring?

"Well, like a lot of people who claim to know something about the region, I actually never saw this one coming. A few voices out there – my friends Shadi Hamid and Steve McInerney come to mind – have been warning of the instability of Arab autocracies for years now. But most political scientists working on the region have, as Greg Gause points out, neglected to carefully study Arab state militaries over the past few decades and have thus missed a lot of the signs that might have pointed toward regime collapse." 

"I myself am just happy to have been able to spend some time in Cairo in the days following the collapse of the Mubarak regime. The environment there, as well as in Little Satan during the 6 August protests, was intoxicating. No wonder so many journalists and other observers are getting swept up in the excitement."
Sources in Mahdi Army (v4.0) whisper the reason that Mookie has yet to return publicly in Iraq is he is still frightened beyond repair at a near hit attempted by you that dang near killed him on a recent road trip to Lebanon. Are the orders still open to kill or capture Mookie?
"You know, Moqtada al-Sadr and I really fell out as friends when Uncle Tupelo broke up. I prefer Wilco to Son Volt, but Moqtada can’t stand Jeff Tweedy and thinks he’s pompous. We’ve just never been able to speak in a civil manner since, oh, 1995 or so."

Pic - "Just like in a movie - with a happy ending" 


Nerd Girl said...

Hmmm ... a "Men of COIN Calendar" sounds like an absolutely fantastic idea! To where does one send nominations?

Anonymous said...

I hope Tom Ricks is Mr. February, I love Pisces men with beards!

Shaqueena said...

We should visit CNAS at DC, locate Dr. Ex's office and surprise him with a naked flash mob, of young hot co-eds (ladies participating, make sure you shave, this ain't the 70s).

We'll send the guys over to Nagl's office. But, leave Nate Fick all to myself. That Gen. Kill hottie will get a taste of Shaqueena, all 300 lbs of her.

Anonymous said...

Ok Courtney, now that you've admitted your unrequited love for Abu - what next?

Anonymous said...

Starbuck could be Major May in that CNAS Calendar, or maybe Mike F

Lexington Green said...

It gives me a burning sensation to have to say this, but Mook is right about Tweedy.

Anonymous said...

The real question about CNAS' Calendar is will they allow guys from other parts of the COINdinista world a chance to be in it or will it only be the gang at CNAS?